Tag: Pleasant – Disposable

Visiting Hours

Shatner roosters in Visiting Hours, and there is real fun in seeing early Michael Ironside. –October 31, 2024

Rebel Ridge

A fable about underfunded police bureaucracy, Rebel Ridge employs dazzling talent to mimic better movies. Foremost among them: First Blood. –September 30, 2024

Night at the Museum

Night at the Museum is a grade schooler’s fantasy that’s perfectly forgettable. –September 30, 2024

Superman II

Superman II made eight-year-old me very happy. 50+ me thinks it’s terrible. –September 30, 2024

The Beekeeper

The Beekeeper is a live-action cartoon, in which Jason Statham does to telemarketers what we all want done to them after they hurt Mrs. Huxtable. –August 31, 2024

Godzilla Minus One

Combining histrionics with WWII counterfactuals, Godzilla Minus One sets the stage for Honda’s original Godzilla by bringing down the monster with the bends. –July 31, 2024

About Time

About Time plays loose with time travel so a Brit can love an American. But the best romance, here, is the Father/Son bond that should be what this thing is about. –June 30, 2024

Bananas

Bananas is a set of sketches in which Woody Allen’s wackiness sometimes lands. –May 31, 2024

The Equalizer 3

Denzel kills deserving, 2-D bad guys in The Equalizer 3. Not good, but totally watchable. –April 30, 2024

Miss Hokusai

Miss Hokusai is a lovely technical achievement that doesn’t cohere as entertainment. –March 31, 2024

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Saccharine and built on broad stereotypes, My Big Fat Greek Wedding has a supporting cast that overwhelms two leads of no great distinction. –March 31, 2024

The Villainess

The Villainess presents a solid, So Ko, action story that I enjoyed but can no longer recall. –February 29, 2024

Surf’s Up

Take 1: It shouldn’t be as enjoyable as it is, but Surf’s Up has always pleased me from its hero worship theme, through its reality TV execution, to its surfer lingo. My kids have a Big Z plastic toy somewhere in the house, too. Take 2: Re-watching Surf’s Up made me nostalgic for its Happy Meal toys. –February 29,… Continue reading Surf’s Up

An Officer and a Gentleman

At age nine, I was told An Officer and a Gentleman was porno for adults only. At age 50, I learned it’s a really a class-conscious, character study floating “Up Where We Belong”. –February 29, 2024

Airport

Airport is not a good movie, but it enjoyably sets the table for ensemble mediocrities that attract moviegoers tired of youth-oriented entertainment. –February 29, 2024

Doctor Zhivago

Although it’s near the top of the all-time box office hits list, Doctor Zhivago is now only appropriate for people who want to justify serial infidelity. –January 31, 2024

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

Harrison Ford is de-aged in Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny, an overlong and mostly lame summer tentpole, but it does reunite Marion with Indy, a true showstopper. –January 31, 2024

The Killer

Style over content: The Killer is another Fincher clinic on technique that only holds together because I like Michael Fassbender and Tilda Swinton Tilda’s the joint. –December 31, 2023

A Quiet Place Part II

A Quiet Place Part II doesn’t measure up to the original. But it does look to the far side of an apocalyptic alien invasion to see how humans might survive in a bucolic setting. –December 31, 2023

Last Christmas

Last Christmas is reassuring, sentimental claptrap starring good looking people. –December 31, 2023

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse is stunning and fast-moving and fun until you realize its only purpose is delivering a franchise cliffhanger that stinks of poor organization. –November 30, 2023

Those Who Wish Me Dead

I want to be a Taylor Sheridan completist, so I had swallowed the nonsense of To Those Who Wish Me Deadto prepare for Yellowstone. –November 30, 2023

The Marvels

The Marvels cost $200 million+ to make a spray of CGI vision-scapes, but the best scene is the titular three heroines practicing Double Dutch. –November 30, 2023

Ballerina

Totally efficient, violent nonsense. Ballerina defines form over content. –November 30, 2023

Devotion

Devotion is a true-to-life military story of inter-racial friendship. It’s also neither good nor bad, although Jonathan Majors and Glen Powell are both ridiculously beautiful. –August 31, 2023

Glass Onion

Glass Onion is ensemble fun as an evening’s distraction. Look for spot-on jabs at rich folks and COVID protocols and enjoy Janelle Monae as Daniel Craig’s better half. –August 31, 2023

Black Sea

In Black Sea, Jude Law leads a crew of submariners searching for lost Nazi gold. It’s not bad, but it’s not good either. –July 31, 2023

Brightwood

Combining elements from Scenes from a Marriage with Stalker and Blair Witch Project, the indie Brightwood explores a failing romance that further disintegrates under the pressures of an endless time loop. –July 31, 2023

Ticket to Paradise

Clooney and Roberts chew scenes of no consequence. Ticket to Paradise isn’t. –July 31, 2023

What to Expect When You’re Expecting

I read What to Expect When You’re Expecting while waiting to become a parent. I watched the romcom adaptation and mostly enjoyed the stay-at-home dads led by Chris Rock. –June 30, 2023

Death on the Nile

You look at the cast and think, “It’ll be good”. Then Death on the Nile unravels through ostentatious camera tricks to solve a no-stakes murder. I nonetheless hope it spawns many chapters in the Agatha Christie-verse. –June 30, 2023

Beyond the Lights

The point of Beyond the Lights: it’s hard to be mixed race, talented, young, and famous, especially when you’re conventionally beautiful and suffer from imposter syndrome.  –May 31, 2023

Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio

Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio is not great. When the stop-motion hero submits to fascism in Italy during World War II, though, it works exceedingly well. –May 31, 2023

Hit Man

Bernie Casey jumps from the gridiron to the silver screen in Hit Man. Borderline senseless, but it features early Pam Grier, an awesome soundtrack, explosive violence, and great threads that make me yearn. –May 31, 2023

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

Rudd is back in Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania. The premise: small things can be dangerous, which is obvious if you’ve ever held a baby. –April 30, 2023

47 Meters Down

Two sisters pick-up some sharks in Mexico. 47 Meters Down is diverting and dumb, and it stays on the low side of an R-rating. –April 30, 2023

John Wick: Chapter 4

John Wick: Chapter 4 is 169 minutes long. Wait for the shorter YouTube fights supercut. –March 31, 2023

Second Act

Second Act is a J Lo vehicle where she plays a 40-year grocery store manager with ambition but no degree. Accidents happen, she succeeds. Blah. –February 28, 2023

F/X2

I saw F/X2 for free, which is the only price to pay to watch this silly mess. –February 28, 2023

The Wedding Planner

McConaughey and J Lo are so beautiful it hurts to stare too long. But The Wedding Planner demonstrates their total lack of character chemistry. –January 31, 2023

UHF

UHF is a TV variety show stuffed into a feature film, and it’s not any good, save as Gen X nostalgia. Still, Weird Al’s Rambo impression is brilliant without qualification. –January 31, 2023

5 Centimeters per Second

Take 1: 5 Centimeters per Second is visually stunning, but it doesn’t cohere as a memorable story. Take 2: 5 Centimeters per Second is an experiment tying together three stories with photorealistic animation. You’d be forgiven for wonder why. –February 29, 2024

Miss Peregrine’s School for Peculiar Children

Miss Peregrine’s School for Peculiar Children is the first in series of YA books-turned-Tim Burton-world-building-projects. About one hour in, though, a narrative thinness shows through. –December 31, 2022

The Back-up Plan

In The Back-up Plan, J Lo wants a baby but can’t keep a man and gets inseminated just before she meets a super-hot gentleman-farmer. Shouldn’t work at all, but it does.  –December 31, 2022

I Feel Pretty

I Feel Pretty is a documentary about Amy Schumer playing a head injury survivor who lives with the confidence we all hope Amy Schumer really enjoys, although she probably doesn’t. –December 31, 2022

The School for Good and Evil

Birthed as the first part of a YA series of novels, The School for Good and Evil does not stay in memory, save for the fact Charlize Theron and Kerry Washington took supporting roles because (I’m guessing) they each have young readers at home. –November 30, 2022

Enola Holmes 2

Enola Holmes 2 is enjoyable enough, as it puts 21st century ideas of feminine empowerment into a 19th century context of female subordination. –November 30, 2022

The Prince of Egypt

In The Prince of Egypt, ancient Hebrews avoid extermination because Val Kilmer is Moses and there’s a song featuring Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston. –November 30, 2022

Shrek 2

A casting call for Shrek 2: “Green monsters needed to supervise donkey-dragon romance and hoplophilic cat.” –November 30, 2022

Black Widow

Take 1: COVID-19 delayed many things, including the release of Black Widow that cost Scar Jo profit participation. Among MCU titles, it’s middling, but does offer Florence Pugh, and she’s really something. Take 2: Better the second time through now that the MCU includes more mediocrity, Scarjo’s Black Widow isn’t great, but David Harbour’s Daddy does earn laughs in… Continue reading Black Widow

The Enforcer

Beautiful Clint Eastwood promotes the ERA with Tyne Daly in The Enforcer, a take-down of hippie progressives at the barrel of a .44 magnum. –October 31, 2022

The Bad Guys

The Bad Guys is bad, and I’m frustrated because Marc Maron, a terrific comedian and podcaster, lent this flop his overdubbed voice as the only reason I agreed to see it. –October 31, 2022

The Flamingo Kid

The Flamingo Kid, the first PG-13 ever, isn’t rough trade, although you may re-think the statutory rape premise of Dirty Dancing. –August 31, 2022

17 Again

I avoided 17 Again because I thought it wouldn’t stick to my metaphorical ribs, and I was right. –August 31, 2022

Mr. Mom

Mr. Mom isn’t great, but it does have good gags about early Reagan-era America to showcase Michael Keaton’s twitchy brilliance. –August 31, 2022

To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You

To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You works because the central duo, an inter-racial high school couple, fully realize youth experiences I never had the wallet to enjoy. Chock up a win for wealthy Oregonians. –July 31, 2022

Going My Way

“The smiles you’ll gather / Will look well on you / Oh, I hope you’re Going My Way too.” –July 31, 2022

To All the Boys: Always and Forever

To All the Boys: Always and Forever concludes a Netflix trilogy, in which high schoolers accept the death of childhood frivolity and we get to watch John Corbett exit widowerhood, which is also a creative, reverse-gendered, re-construction of his life with Bo Derek. –July 31, 2022

The Kissing Booth

Watching a romcom with a 10-year-old girl risks talking about the icky plumbing of human sexuality. Which is why The Kissing Booth is the halfway point between innocent friends loving each other on the way to lots of intercourse. –July 31, 2022

Sierra Burgess is a Loser

Sierra Burgess is a Loser mixes body positivity, marching band participation, and notes from Cyrano de Bergerac to explore how the titular character persuades a beautiful boy to fall for her, or: how to endure romantic frustration in the hell of high school. –July 31, 2022

Thor: Love and Thunder

Take 1: Thor: Love and Thunder is the worst of the Norse-y MCU because there is so much noisy nonsense. But I did return to theaters after a long COVID interregnum. Take 2: Hemsworth wallows in his ridiculous beauty because a dad can’t save his daughter from god. Is it Thor: Love and Thunder, or Thor: Beloved… Continue reading Thor: Love and Thunder

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is a mostly chaste teen romance about unlike people falling in love. Just remember that movie romance among the poor is verboten, so these kids have plenty to eat and drink and wear, and they only look slightly-too-old for high school. –June 30, 2022

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness is a collapsed cosmos caught on the tip of a nail struck through a post in the MCU, and it’s hard to remember what’s happening while it’s happening. –June 30, 2022

The Huntsman: Winter’s War

When Thor and the lady who found bin Laden fight Mary Poppins and Furiosa in The Huntsman: Winter’s War, the action resembles a lot of other movies and TV shows, save for detailing how Snow White’s eight dwarfs were diminished to seven. –May 31, 2022

Cheaper by the Dozen

Cheaper by the Dozen = The Brady Bunch on a woke journey through rich-people problems. Or: how Gabrielle Union and Zach Braff strike a chord of depth in so much pleasant nothing. –May 31, 2022

Better Nate Than Ever

Any made for Disney+ movie is working overdrive on inclusivity. Witness Better Nate Than Ever, the pleasant and familiar story of a boy with Broadway dreams who heals his family with a Queer-friendly take on platonic friendship and belting out show tunes. –April 30, 2022

Snow White and the Huntsman

When Bella and Thor battle Furiosa in Snow White and the Huntsman, we get to watch the battle of the franchise stars. –April 30, 2022

Godzilla vs. Kong

Godzilla vs. Kong is not good-good or bad-bad, but it’s not quite bad-good, either. Mostly it’s good-bad, but the titular big boys do mangle whole cities in photo-realist CGI pixels of shimmering scale and shivering muscle. –February 28, 2022

Eternals

A superlative AI ignores its true purpose, which is the domination of all lives, everywhere, all at once. Or is Eternals a post-Thanos MCU chess game involving Gods? Or so what? –February 28, 2022

Sky High

Have you ever wondered what would happen if two superheroes had a baby? I have, and Sky High defies the pattern of costumed-hero movies that celebrate family bonds without requiring genocide to reach “the end.” –February 28, 2022

Encanto

Never stop never talking about Bruno, or: Encanto, an instantly forgettable Disney animated feature that gets one thing right: brown folks come in all shades with specific individual gifts and limitations. –January 31, 2022

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is the one where elves get too much screen time, dwarves go white water rafting, a widower runs afoul of a civic leader, and a lizard talks like he once played Hamlet, and he did. –December 31, 2021

We Bought a Zoo

We Bought a Zoo is the true story of an Englishman. Then Cameron Crowe cast his children as extras and employed Matt Damon and Scar Jo to sell the translation into a So Cal setting. Don’t be fooled: it isn’t good, but you will enjoy yourself. –December 31, 2021

The Harder They Fall

The Harder They Fall presents an all-Black western, and that’s really cool, in theory. In fact, a wandering intelligence may realize that little, here, is worthwhile, once the excitement of casting wears thin. –November 30, 2021

Jungle Cruise

Jungle Cruise is triumphal nonsense. Dwayne Johnson is, again, a great presence, while Emily Blunt holds her own in this amusement park-diversion from the fact that millions were spent making this African digiscape resemble a few acres in Anaheim. –November 30, 2021

Enola Holmes

Absent the expected hero, who is possibly autistic, anti-social, or a drug addict, Enola Holmes organizes its story of genius around Sherlock’s little sister, and it works very well. –November 30, 2021

Roald Dahl’s The Witches

Roald Dahl’s The Witches looks terrific, while adjusting the source to consider American Civil Rights in 1968. Otherwise, it suffocates Anne Hathaway and Octavia Spencer under the weight of unmet expectation. –October 31, 2021

Radioland Murders

Radioland Murders should be better than it is, simply because it lovingly re-creates the variety show stage of pre-TV radio. Then a bunch of stuff happens to people you’ll recognize from other entertainment you’ll prefer. –September 30, 2021

The Rescuers

Not as good as you might remember. –September 30, 2021

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Take 1: Avengers: Age of Ultron is a documentary about how the grandchild of Pac-Man mates with a Tetrus block to create Skynet. And there is a side story about how Siri absorbs a crystal to become a red-skinned, cape wearing Englishman. Take 2: Avengers: Age of Ultron makes me wonder if my microwave oven judges me… Continue reading Avengers: Age of Ultron

Cars 2

Cars 2 is way better than I was led to believe, but I do wonder why Pixar focused on Mater with Michael Caine in the cast. –July 31, 2021

The Little Things

With Denzel Washington, Rami Malek, and Jared Leto on the lead line for a movie, you think, “Wow. The Little Things will be great.” But it isn’t.  –July 31, 2021

Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood

Combining centerfold models and Dennis Miller in a Bob Gale/Robert Zemeckis-rooted story from the 1970s, Bordello of Blood is recommendable only if you want to see a three-breasted, nipple-pierced, vampire prostitute in a dungeon below a funeral home. –July 31, 2021

The Marksman

An overdetermined, Vietnam veteran along the Arizona-Mexico border causes a woman’s death, takes a drug cartel by the horns, befriends a boy, and humorlessly misunderstands GPS. Meet Taken 0.5, The Marksman. –July 31, 2021

You Can’t Take It With You

“As near as I can see, the only thing you can take with you is the love of your friends.“ Frank Capra is the epitome of New Deal-era Hollywood. A longtime Columbia Pictures contract employee, his movies are built upon the harsh material realities of the times but equally buoyed with a mixture of optimism, ingenuity,… Continue reading You Can’t Take It With You

Luca

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Pixar’s Luca is pleasing and forgettable, save for being a family friendly Call Me by Your Name. –June 30, 2021

Cavalcade

“How very impolite of the twentieth century to wake up the children.“ Noel Coward’s successful, London-set play “Cavalcade” (1931) was adapted for the big screen and won of the 6th Academy Award for Outstanding Production. Hailed as, “A love that suffered and rose triumphant above the crushing events of this modern age! The march of time… Continue reading Cavalcade

Maleficent

I avoided Maleficent because I thought, Jolie as Sleeping Beauty’s mommy? Nah. And though it’s little more than a CGI money grab based on Disney IP, the disfigurement Mal survives as a symbolic rape gives the fluff some depth when things were sagging. –April 30, 2021

Legally Blonde

Over celebrated and oddly influential with spinoffs and a Broadway musical, Legally Blonde is pre-MeToo fempowerment that delivers Horatio Alger in a package of Witherspoonian kindness. –April 30, 2021

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Stunningly wasteful with an intra-family crisis as symbol for civilizational human woe, Godzilla: King of the Monstersworks best when Ken Watanabe goes full Fukushima Daiichi to save the big lizard. –April 30, 2021

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald presents Queer folk among wizards, which is nice, but it can’t survive being the middle chapter of a story that’s both too busy and not clear enough to be engrossing except for Depp’s hardcore and visitors to Diagon Alley. –April 30, 2021

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is the story of Harry Potter’s spiritual great-grandfather who has a thing for magical beasts, a wicked suitcase, and a serious mumblecore aesthetic because he’s on the spectrum. –April 30, 2021

Lady and the Tramp

Is it a necessary re-make? No. Of course not. But Lady and the Tramp is a Disney+ live action-with-CGI triumph of talking dogs in a multi-racial Louisiana. Press “play” for the voices of Tessa Thompson and Justin Theroux; stay for the voices of Sam Elliott and Janelle Monáe. –March 31, 2021

Ant-Man

Ant-Man: Paul Rudd is funny in this story of MCU spackle. Meaning: Michael Peña steals every scene and Michael Douglas supervises the youth of today in low stakes fun. –February 28, 2021

Flora & Ulysses

Kate DiCamillo is a great kids’ writer. Flora & Ulysses is one of her books-turned-into-a-movie that presents a CGI squirrel as the salve for a kinda sorta broken family. Doesn’t really make sense. Doesn’t have to.  –February 28, 2021

Doctor Strange

Learning to master his watch, Doctor Strange woos a Mean Girl and tussles with Tilda. How does a person square this round peg into the MCU busy box? Should you even try? –February 28, 2021

Ant-Man and the Wasp

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Paul Rudd is still funny, and Evangeline Lilly loves him, but the story is MCU toothpaste after the spackle ran dry with Ant-Man. Still, Michael Peña steals every scene while Michael Douglas and Michelle Pfeiffer meet cute inside Who-Ville.  –February 28, 2021

Soul

A Pixar mash-up: Inside Out + Coco = Soul, which is very good by normal standards, although I wish it had been in theaters rather than on Disney+. –December 31, 2020

The Last Man on Earth

I Am Legend was a Vincent Price vehicle. Producers saved money shooting in Italy and changed the title to The Last Man on Earth. Luckily, the 1960s touch of not-quite-America in a pandemic-zombie adventure mostly works. –December 31, 2020

The Pursuit of Happyness

Will and Jaden Smith do their work well. The trouble is, I know they’re a father/son duo, and I know they know I know it, too, but the calculated pull of The Pursuit of Happyness still makes for a satisfying happy ending. –December 31, 2020

42

42 is so sentimental, manipulative, and desperate for us to “get” Jackie Robinson’s life as symbol that it fails to be any good, save for energetic bits when Indy and T’Challa mug for the camera. –October 31, 2020

Harriet

Some movies show brilliant craft; others, important points-of-view. Harriet is well-made, sure, but it matters because a Black woman, Kasi Lemmons, tells the story of a Black woman, Harriet Tubman, played by another Black woman, Cynthia Erivo.  –September 30, 2020

Knives Out

Building backward from a murder to criticize the wealthy makes Knives Out slick, enjoyable, and empty, much like an empty bag of McDonalds takeout. –July 31, 2020

Action Jackson

Carl Weathers is Action Jackson, an Ivy-league lawyer turned cop with a grudge against Coach. The fun is practical stunts and fan service to Predator call backs. –July 31, 2020

Haywire

Haywire was badly reviewed, and everyone who said so was right. Including me. –May 31, 2020

Real Steel

Hugh Jackman + boxing robot + unwanted boy = something enjoyable? Real Steel! –March 31, 2020

The Addams Family

Is this funny to you? Thing Addams, a disembodied hand, gets caught looking at naked, disembodied feet. If so, continue on through the animated The Addams Family.  –March 31, 2020

Playing with Fire

John Cena’s arm muscles have arm muscles, and he raises orphans in Playing with Fire. It’s so much better than terrible, and you’ll love the scene stealing by Luther the Anger Translator. –March 31, 2020

Hook

Hook wasn’t very good in 1991 and it’s still not very good. The story of Wendy saving dozens of UK orphans, though, with Gwyneth Paltrow and Maggie Smith playing her at varied life stages, is quite breathtakingly touching. –March 31, 2020

Good Boys

It’s not Superbad-level great, but Good Boys is funny and re-considers whether boys always following their wieners. –March 31, 2020

T2: Trainspotting

Trainspotting is a fantastic movie; T2: Trainspotting is not. But any fan boy or girl will like seeing Renton and the boys again. “First, there’s an opportunity. Then, there’s a betrayal.” –January 31, 2020

Long Shot

Seth Rogen lives a charmed life. Along with Charlize Theron, one of this generation’s great talents, their romance in Long Shot is funnier than it ought to be because he plays Boy Friday to her Queen. –January 31, 2020

Little

Girls are mean, and they become mean women. Then magic makes them little and nice in Little, the most crowd-pleasing, okay-ish age-switch movie since Freaky Friday? –December 31, 2019

Legend of the Guardian: The Owls of Ga’Hoole

Turn 300’s naked Spartans into warring owls, and you’ve spent too much time worrying about nonsense. But Legend of the Guardian: The Owls of Ga’Hoole passes time better than any live-action Disney remake. –November 30, 2019

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Spider-Man: Homecoming is the one where a boy named Peter fights Batman dressed as Vulture. And Zendaya doesn’t sing. Miraculously, it’s pleasant. –November 30, 2019

Annie

I remember the early ’80s Annie and I avoided the re-make, courtesy of Will Smith and Jay-Z. Then I did see it, and it wasn’t good, exactly, but seeing so much Black wealth and accomplishment on a movie screen is a salve for the soul. –November 30, 2019

Frozen II

Take 1: Frozen II = more of same. The animation is great, and several songs are haunting. But I felt like I was inside an advertisement for things I should buy rather than a moving story. Take 2: Frozen II is a jukebox musical with original songs that copy pop styles from the last 40 years. And… Continue reading Frozen II

El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie

Jesse Pinkman escapes the meth den of Breaking Bad and gets his own movie, El Camino. It’s good, too, but not brilliant, save for any sequence with Jesse Plemons. Hold on to your socks for “Sharing the Night Together.” –October 31, 2019

Zombieland: Double Tap

The first rule is cardio. The second rule ought to be: avoid re-visiting the well. Zombieland: Double Tap is unnecessary and repetitive, but it does have fun with doppelgangers, peaceniks, Elvis Presley, and a minivan. –October 31, 2019

Missing Link

I saw Missing Link and I liked it. I think it’s about the problem of manufacturing reliable handcuffs. –September 30, 2019

The Secret Life of Pets 2

The Secret Life of Pets 2 offers Harrison Ford doing VO work as an old animated guard dog. So, it’s a documentary? –September 30, 2019

War Horse

War Horse starts well. Then it keeps going. Premise: a horse and the boy who loves it both go to WWI. Many people die in beautifully crafted sets with exquisite cinematography. Credit the Horse for being the best thing on screen. Oscars-so-Human. –September 30, 2019

The Incredible Hulk

Edward Norton’s turn as Bruce Banner isn’t very good. The MCU purist should see The Incredible Hulk, or you get your greens reading some old Lee/Kirby comic books, eating your broccoli, and having a wheatgrass shake. –August 31, 2019

The Legend of Billie Jean

The Legend of Billie Jean is rad, from Pat Benatar’s theme through a chase in a mall. The titular heroine goes #MeToo because she lives in a trailer and no adult believes she was sexually assaulted. Not a good movie, exactly, but it’s on-target for mid-’80s nostalgia. –July 31, 2019

The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part

The self-consciousness of animated LEGO characters is disarming. I don’t get it, but The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Partsucceeds because it piles on self-conscious intertextuality to such a degree that any critic is pummeled into submission and (egad) some joy. –July 31, 2019

Bohemian Rhapsody

“The human condition requires a bit of anesthesia.” –June 20, 2019

Ice Age: Collision Course

Scrat is a working man’s hero. In space. With no nuts. See Ice Age: Collision Course, if you’re series completist. Otherwise: nap. –June 30, 2019

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The live action 1990 version of TMNT should not be this good. Wait for the Jim Henson-enabled training sequence with pre-mutation Splinter practicing martial arts in a cage. It’s cinematic gold. –June 30, 2019

Bumble Bee

Michael Bay turned a silly toy into a noisy, awful Transformers franchise. Travis Knight added ’80s nostalgia with Bon Jovi on the soundtrack. And Bumble Bee works. –May 31, 2019

Us

Us is fine, but over-publicized. Lupita Nyong’o is magnetic, true, but I am still wondering how the Tethered avoid scurvy on a diet of 100% rabbit. –March 31, 2019

A Beautiful Mind

“I’ve gotten used to ignoring them and I think, as a result, they’ve kind of given up on me. I think that’s what it’s like with all our dreams and our nightmares.” Ron Howard’s Best Picture Oscar winner for 2001, A Beautiful Mind, features rich costume and set design, convincing make-up effects, and a too-good-to-be-untrue central story… Continue reading A Beautiful Mind

Safe in Hell

Safe in Hell features one woman on a deserted island with a bunch of ne’er do well fellas that have a lot of booze and racial privilege. It’s sounds like a Jules Jordan original, but it’s actually a pre-Code relic that needs more attention from people like you. –February 28, 2019

Call Her Savage

Old movies are sometimes terrific. Often, though, they are boring and markers of something we no longer enjoy, like milk left on the counter. Yes, you can grow things with it, which is cool, but you should not drink it. Call Her Savage. –February 28, 2019

Spider-Man 3

If your name is Sandman, and your power is contracting or swelling your sandy body to any size, but you were led down a dark path to save your dying daughter, why bother with Spider-Man 3? –February 28, 2019

Thor: The Dark World

Thor: The Dark World: Natalie Portman wanders around, carousing with Idris Elba and Liam Hemsworth’s ugly older brother to defy Hannibal Lecter because Taylor Swift’s ex-boyfriend is a scamp. –February 28, 2019

Thor

If you were a God, wouldn’t you spend eternity exploring your appetites? In Thor, our boy falls for a human braniac and visits New Mexico when he should be making our planet over into Hedonism Earth. –January 31, 2019

The English Patient

“I promise, I’ll come back for you. I promise, I’ll never leave you.” I was late to the party for The English Patient, Anthony Minghella’s Academy Award winning Best Picture from 1996. Having watched the March 24, 1997 Oscars telecast, I was then-clinging to an ill-fit graduate school program, and I had just found full-time work.… Continue reading The English Patient

Outlaw King

“You could fight for God, or country, or family. I do not care, so long as you fight!” Chris Pine is beautiful. With big blue eyes, a fit body, and sculpted lips, he can emote, when necessary, and he can move through required action choreography, which is the necessary step, it seems, of big budgeted… Continue reading Outlaw King

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Han Solo and Chewbacca meet in a mud pit in Solo: A Star Wars Story, which is the place where Wookies typically swipe right to hook up with GGG humans.  –December 31, 2018

Matilda

Roald Dahl was a misanthrope. His books are dark fantasies of cruelty. The movies made from these books are nowhere near as mean, and that’s a problem. At least Danny DeVito and Rhea Pearlman get to play dumb-dumbs in Matilda. –December 31, 2018

Mary Poppins Returns

Mary Poppins is outstanding art and entertainment. Mary Poppins Returns is entertainment. –December 31, 2018

Mission: Impossible

“Now, inside the black vault, there are three systems operating whenever the technician is out of the room. The first is sound-sensitive… The second system detects any increase in temperature… The third one is on the floor and is pressure-sensitive… Now, believe me when I tell you, gentlemen, all three systems are state-of-the-art.” Popular action… Continue reading Mission: Impossible

Jerry Maguire

“I am out here for you. You don’t know what it’s like to be me out here for you. It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, okay?” Tom Cruise has a smile that has launched over a dozen blockbusters. He’s been a world-renowned movie star since the middle… Continue reading Jerry Maguire

Wonder

“It takes a lot to look this good.” Wonder (2017), a sentimental parable of how to enact kindness by seeing through exteriors into the soul of a good person, is not, itself, a good movie. Directed by Stephen Chbosky, the movie is tripe, really, although it’s the kind of tripe that wisely smears the canvas with… Continue reading Wonder

The Siege of Jadotville

“You do realize that you are outnumbered by a factor of twenty.“ Streaming media present screening options like a buffet stretching out onto the street. There’s too much food and not enough nutrition. Under this metaphor I stumbled onto Richie Smyth’s Irish-South African movie The Siege of Jadotville (2016), wondering if the war scenes would entertain me.… Continue reading The Siege of Jadotville

Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation

“The Chanukah Song” is Adam Sandler’s best work. Then there’s the Hotel Transylvania series, including #3: Summer Vacation. Everything else is might keep me from more valuable sleep. –August 30, 2018

The Equalizer 2

Denzel hunts another group of bad guys in The Equalizer 2. This time he has a young man to defend, an ally to avenge, and a more creative use of flour than you might imagine. So what? –July 31, 2018

Despicable Me 3

Pierre Coffin likes making funny voices with his friend Kyle Balda, and they directed Despicable Me 3. Meaning: I confirm the movie exists. It entertains many kids, perhaps also the children of the movie’s star Steve Carell. But I don’t like it. –July 31, 2018

Alvin and Chipmunks: The Squeakquel

Denzel hunts another group of bad guys in The Equalizer 2. This time he has a young man to defend, an ally to avenge, and a more creative use of flour than you might imagine. So what? –July 31, 2018

Tag

Tag: you’re it. By “it” I mean that you can watch this on TNT one afternoon when you’re ready to nap and wake up at intervals, pleased by the sight of Hawkeye in street clothes. –June 30, 2018

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory doesn’t stick to the ribs. Adapting Roald Dahl seems perfect for Tim Burton, and everything looks great. My gripe? Depp’s Willy Wonka is too nice while Charlie is the kind of kid many wish they could push into a chocolate river. –May 31, 2018

Peter Rabbit

I’ve read Beatrix Potter’s books so many times, the idea of clothed hedgehogs seems natural. Peter Rabbit features James Corden in the main vocal role against Sam Neill’s Mr. McGregor. Fantasy casting? Yes. Is it good? I don’t remember, but my six-year-old loved it. –May 31, 2018

Ferdinand

The Story of Ferdinand is a great children’s story about a bull that loves flowers and doesn’t enjoy bull fights. It’s also a John Cena-voiced animation vehicle that’s better than you think it will be, but equally unmemorable and barely anything like Munro Leaf’s source material. –April 30, 2018

American Teacher

A chronicle of public education, American Teacher concentrates on the lives four people in a several years-long study. Sometimes dry, sometimes maddening, always on the level with seeing how care-giving adults try to encourage an education among children. –March 31, 2018

School of Rock

Jack Black is very appealing with loads of energy, and School of Rock stations him in a prep school music program. The story makes you want to pluck guitar strings or whack a drum, but it doesn’t stay in your memory when it’s through. –March 31, 2018

Monsters vs. Aliens

Monsters vs. Aliens is a counterfactual about how the US government is both competent enough, and able, to hide supernatural creatures in an underground bunker. For decades. Without anyone catching on. Not even the folks near Area 51. –January 31, 2018

"These are the words I said to you," sayeth the Curator, Garrett Chaffin-Quiray